This is a HOOKUP: How to Get the Sex Topic Started
Yes, you’re on a hookup site in order to have sex. That’s the endgame, and the girl you’re talking to knows it, believe us. Maybe girls do exist who go to hookup sites looking for husbands and boyfriends, but maybe unicorns exist, too. They’re just about as equally mythical. In other words, you can relax around the girls on hookup dating websites!
A lot of guys struggle with knowing just how to start the sex talk when hooking up. Yes, you’re on a sex dating website, but there are still right ways and wrong ways to go about this kind of thing.
Fortunately for you, we’ve broken down our experiences into some easy-to-understand rules so that you don’t have to worry about whether or not you’re doing it right. Not every girl is the same, but these pretty much apply all the time on hookup sites.
Give it a minute—follow her lead.
You should never make the first thing you say to a girl be about sex. It just turns her off, and she starts feeling used, which means (in short) that you are NOT getting laid.
If you want to get to the subject quickly, just make sure that your first email and your first reply to her response is not about sex. After that, you can start hinting that way, or saying something outright if that’s more of your style.
Trust us, waiting until the third correspondence is the new “get laid on the third date,” updated for the 21st century. We’ve gotten laid way more often by operating that way than by doing it any other way.
The one time this doesn’t apply is if the girl you’re going after goes in guns blazing. Lucky you! If she’s starting to talk about sex right away, don’t bother pulling back. Go for it just as hard as she is, but follow her lead. Don’t go over the top.
There’s a joke going around that a great way to freak someone out is to respond to a catcall by asking, “Have you ever been fisted?” It’s the same thing here. If she’s being flirty and asking if you like naughty or nice girls, don’t immediately tell her that you’d like to spread her legs and spank her silly.
Start light and ask her how she feels about certain things.
It is true that many women respond to a man who takes what he wants, and is confident that he’s doing the right thing. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to what the girl you’re hooking up with has to say.
A lot of girls are willing to get pretty crazy in bed, if they’re given the right incentive. However, you have to make sure you’re not going too far, and you’re paying attention to what she actually wants.
One of the easiest and most OBVIOUS ways to find out what this girl wants is by asking her what she’s into. Don’t make it a vague question, either. If she’s talking about being “naughty” sometimes, go ahead and ask her how she feels about being spanked. If she responds, “I like it…I guess….” You may want to find a different fetish.
On the other hand, you may get a very enthusiastic “Hell yeah!!! That and being tied up are my biggest fetishes!”
You never know what you’ll find out, which is one thing that makes hooking up so much fun.
If you have hard-to-sell kinks that are deal breakers, get them out of the way before the first date.
If you have a kink that you absolutely NEED to indulge in order to get off, make sure you bring it up on the first date. If you’d really like to try it but you’re nervous about how she’ll respond, you still need to bring it up if it’s going to be a deal breaker.
If you don’t, a woman will either leave (freaked out) or go along with it, but only to make you feel better. Women don’t like being surprised with weird sex that’s like an obligation. If you bring it up before the date, of course, they might be very exited by it.
Some kinks that you don’t really have to worry about bringing up are the vanilla ones. Light bondage, spanking, dirty talk, and doggie style all fit the bill for this kind of kink. If you’re into harder core stuff, you’re going to want to make sure she knows about it before committing to going home with you—if you MUST do it every time. If you’re really into girls stepping on you while you scream death metal poetry, you’d better bring that up if you’re going to require it of someone who goes home with you.
So to recap, the three rules for bringing up sex when hooking up online are:
- Wait until the third message (or she starts it) to bring up sex.
- Start light and ask how she feels about specific things.
- Don’t surprise her on the date.