You consider yourself decently familiar with sex. You might not have been with a ton of ladies, but there have been more than you can count on one hand. Sex with them wasn’t all missionary (except that one chick who would only have sex in that position). Maybe you’ve tried anal (giving, receiving, or both). Maybe you’ve even had some threesomes involving two babes or involving two dudes and a babe.
You’ve used toys during sex. And you have been on the Internet, so you know what BDSM stands for. Bondage, you get, and domination/submission makes sense, but mostly for other people. It’s the S&M aspect that baffles you. Who gets off on hurting other people unless they’re abusive or a sociopath? Why would anyone get off on being hurt? Worry not. We’re here to explain you.
The S: Sadism
Sadism confuses guys more than masochism in our experience. It’s probably because most of us, at least those raised right, connect being violent during sex with being a rapist or abuser, and we obviously don’t want to be either of those. To most of us, violence during sex also means a lack of respect, which is another thing to avoid. We don’t disrespect the babes we pick up, and we always respect the chicks we date; we’d never even consider forced sex or hurting any of them on purpose during sex.
Most sadists, though, are all about consent. They don’t want to be rapists or abusers, and they respect their partners. They get off by hurting them, but they don’t (usually) want to leave permanent damage. They might be into using impact toys, like canes and floggers or maybe even whips, or they might prefer blades. Knives also involve a blood kink. Some sadists just really enjoy hitting a consenting partner. It’s never out of anger, and it doesn’t mean they want to hurt someone who doesn’t consent. A lot of dominants in dominance/submission relationships have a sadistic streak, and those relationships come from incredible levels of trust, but sadism doesn’t necessarily mean the person is into dominance or submission. Most sadists like to have masochistic partners, or at least have scenes with masochists that don’t necessarily involve sex.
The M: Masochism
If sadism is heads, masochism is tails; one matches up and completes the other. Masochists like pain. It might relax them, it might turn them on, or it could be both. Masochism doesn’t necessarily mean submissiveness; some dominants are masochistic and order their submissive to hurt them. Different masochists enjoy different types of pain. One might enjoy being whipped with a cat o’ nine tails, another might like branding, a third might prefer for a person to hit them with their hands. A masochist might get something of a “fix” by getting tattoos, especially over bony areas, or piercings. They’re a perfect match for sadists who like consent. Their kinks match up, just like dominance and submission.